Foreword (Or Forewarning): There are a lot of links to previous posts in this post (including links to posts in my prior blog). One of my friends says that type of hyper-linking drives her crazy. I just wanted to reference prior stories in case you are interested... and yeah, I wanted to drive her a little crazy. :) I'm a good friend like that.
Am I a Runner?
Saturday is the Tashka Trail Run. Several months ago I decided I was going to race it. For real. Run my-heart-out-fast real. And I wanted to WIN the 50K (why I thought I could do this when my half marathons have all been like 3 hours…. Whatever. I had several months to train).
I started training. I was serious about it. I ran on the course rain or shine. I paid more attention to my nutrition. I did speed training - and actually finally improved my speed!
Then I had the midnight mad dash to New Hampshire just before a hurricane hit to rescue Derek after he had emergency abdominal surgery. And I took a week off my running to make that trip including the 4 day drive home with him. And then I took another week off. And another. For no good reason really.
And then I realized I was screwed.
I needed to train my droopy bottom off hard core to have any chance of running competitively for the 50K and here I took off for almost a month of my training time. $#i*!!!!
So I reevaluated. One of my New Year’s Resolutions for 2011 was to only run a race if I had really trained for it. It was part of my overarching “healthy balance” resolution. Realistically, it would not be part of a healthy, balanced lifestyle for me to run an ultra that I hadn’t prepared my body for.
So I said, “I’ll run the 25K instead.” And again, I wanted to WIN it! This was a much more realistic goal anyway. The week before my half marathon in St. Louis, I ran a 14 miler on mixed terrain in 120 minutes (roughly an 8:30 pace).
I started training again. I trained hard core. I also added in training for our ice climbing trip coming up – doing weight training and developing muscles I never knew I had.
And about three weeks ago, I got a cold. Not just any cold. A freaking stupid lung hacking wheezing snot slinging exhaustion inducing stupid damn cold. And I have not run further than 4 miles at a time since. And that one four miler? Yeah, I didn’t actually finish it because I hacked up a lung so hard at mile 3.5 that I started dry heaving.
Yes, my body thought it needed to try to vomit in order to get the phlegm out of my lungs.
Where is this story going? Well. The deadline to sign up for the Tashka was December 3rd. I didn’t sign up.
I’m not running it at all. And while my brain is telling me that was the right choice based on my lack of good training and continued lung hacking, the rest of me feels like a TOTAL FAILURE. The rest of me feels like, if I were a REAL runner I would have signed up and ran my heart out. The rest of me feels weak.
The rest of me is asking, am I really a runner?